As the second birthday of my younger daughter is getting closer I notice I'm rather unprepared for this rite of passage when my loving and all-day-hugging girl suddenly stops being cooperative.
Actually my daughter was about 18 months old when first signs of stubbornness appeared. She would refuse to go to sleep, and on getting close to her room she would start wriggling and jumping in my arms, eventually resorting to horror movie-like screams.
If I comfort her, she wants to be left alone and if I leave her alone, she can scream for literally two hours.
The same scenario repeats itself when I need to diaper or dress her. "NO" has become her most commonly used word. She uses it perfectly in three different languages and no distraction can stop her from a tantrum.
The common theme with 'terrible twos' is that they insist on doing exactly what you've told them not to do or they throw themselves on the floor in a fit of temper when they do not get their way.
Their demands may frustrate and frazzle you. At times, for example, they may ask for something that they don't even want, just to see if they have enough power to get it.
Alison Gopkin in her new book The Scientist in the Crib, says the terrible twos represent a rational and engaged exploration of toddlers' power, "Toddlers are systematically testing the dimensions on which their desires and the desires of others may be in conflict. Infancy is an experimental research program, in which the child is the budding psychologist; we parents are the laboratory rats."
My own way to deal with my difficult two year old is first of all to understand her more. And in trying to know who she is, I can not ignore that she is what some would call a 'Crystal Child.'
According to some extensive net research, Crystal Children live by the Law of One or Unity Consciousness. They are a powerful force for love and peace on the planet, and their main purpose is to help us reveal our inner divinity, thus taking us to the next level in our evolution.
My daughter Noa is very sensitive to the feelings of others, at times sensing others' sadness and pain and being determined to help. In the daycare center she seeks out those who cry and tries to calm them whether by hugging and kissing spontaneously or returning a dropped pacifier to a crying child.
According to Spiritual expert Doreen Virtue, this generation of new 'lightworkers,' are like no previous generation. Ideal in many ways, they are the pointers for where humanity is headed. They are also telepathic and often engaged in mind to mind communication.
Many of the Crystal Children have delayed speech patterns, and it's not uncommon for them to wait until they're 3 or 4 years old to begin speaking. 'Crystals' use a combination of telepathy, self-fashioned sign language, and sounds (including songs) to get their point across.
Since Crystal children do not understand fear and anger, if I get annoyed with Noa's terrible two tantrums, I feel I am the only one who ends up getting hurt by her uncooperation.
So after many frustrating tearful days I have learnt to let go of trying to control her. If she doesn't want to wear red socks it's not the end of the world, maybe she doesn't like the red color today, may be she is just in the mood for pink.
Instead of fighting over something she doesn't want I have started to offer her choices and open mindedly directing her towards things that I want her to do. I do nothing with force but rather with communication and convincing.
For other situations a hug and a shoulder to cry on may be all she needs to feel better. Or singing a silly song helps her forget her sorrow.
When she's terrible in a public place or at someone's house, I have learnt to sit calmly with her until the feelings subside.
To help you through the difficult times and to put all things in perspective, you might want to think of the wonderful aspects of toddlers. You could even write a list to refer to when tantrums and tears get you down.
Here is my personal list of reminders that toddlers can be terrific and not terrible
• Toddlers think parents are the greatest people in the world - as far as they're concerned, you're the centre of the universe. Make the most of this - it might not last for ever.
• Most toddlers can play alone a lot more so it gives you more free time and free hands to do something else for yourself.
• Sleeping patterns are usually established by the time a child is two years old, so be grateful for a good night's sleep.
• With your toddler around, you have an endless supply of cuddles and affection.
• Let your two year old's zest and enthusiasm for new discoveries be infectious. Watch her play with a puzzle and enjoy her delight as she manages to make a piece fit.
• Toddler's love silliness and laughter, and this can allow you the parent to connect to your inner child.
• Toddlers' funny little sayings and expressions are a never-ending source of joy.
If you keep positive and patient with this developmental stage in children, you are likely to experience more delight than ‘terror.' Most of all, make an effort to join in your toddlers play and find time to laugh together.