It is generally assumed that as parents, we must strictly guide our children in what they should and shouldn’t be eating.
We believe that children can’t make decisions about diet for themselves, and if left to their own devices, they would eat nothing but candy all day.
When my daughter, Sequoia, was born, I planned to allow her to eat only healthy, organic, sugar-free food. I surrendered that control a while ago, and the result is that we always have piles of uneaten sweets in our cupboard.
Kids’ Instincts
A large part of my journey into parenting has been to question all of my instincts, assumptions and beliefs around parenting, but questioning my beliefs around food and diet was probably the hardest part.
When Sequoia was about a year old, and first starting to eat solid foods, I noticed that her body was naturally in tune with healthy food instincts; she would refuse to eat two different foods at the same time, and she also never took another bite until she had completely finished chewing and swallowing the last one – a habit I ascribed to, but rarely had the patience for.
Though I had been raised eating a terrible diet, I still managed to be a healthy adult who could make healthy choices. I didn’t accept that my daughter was capable of doing the same. I believed in the messages we are raised with; that children have no self-control.
What About Sweets?
The first thing I truly questioned was the adage that, “children can’t have sweets before dinner; it will spoil their appetite”. The concept seemed so self-evident; obviously if children eat a bunch of sugary foods, their stomach will be full (of useless, empty calories with no nutritional value) and they won’t have room for good food. Not to mention the belief that after tasting sweets, the child wouldn’t like the taste of the good food.
Confronting reality, I realised this wasn’t based in truth but in cultural beliefs. Sequoia herself said that she preferred to have some “good food” after her “treats”, because that way the good food “washes down the sweets” and leaves her feeling healthier. We tried it out and she really ate her salad after her lollies.
Treating A Child With Respect
Slowly, I started letting Sequoia make her own choices about food. We had long conversations about foods; sugar, additives, good nutrition, and reading labels. She did eat a lot of wafer biscuits, but she also chose to eat a lot of good food.
I still provided nutritious meals, but it was Sequoia’s choice if she wanted to join us in eating them or not. After all, if my partner chose not to eat the dinner I planned, I would respect that, so why shouldn’t my child have the same respect and trust?
I made an effort to prepare lots of treats that were made with all organic, whole ingredients as well. We made our own cakes and cookies, and red lollipops from unrefined sugar, coloured with beetroot juice.
M&M Temptation
Sequoia was really well-informed about nutrition and good eating, but she still wanted to have a lot of candy; her favourite was M&Ms, and because we were living in Tel Aviv, it was hard to avoid the little kiosks on almost every corner with their tantalising displays of sweets.
It was very hard for me to let go, but I realised that by restricting my child, I was showing her that I didn’t trust her. I wanted Sequoia to develop self-determination and an intrinsic sense of understanding in her body, but for that to happen I needed to surrender my own control and show her that I fully trust in her.
We went out and bought the biggest bag of M&Ms I could find. Sequoia was so excited, and ate a big pile of them. When we sat down for dinner that day, Sequoia chose to eat M&Ms rather than the food I prepared.
Halfway through her second jumbo-sized packet of M&Ms, Sequoia asked for some celery – it didn’t take long for her to find balance. These days, she’s more likely to spend hours playing with the M&Ms Rather than eating them, Sequoia enjoys arranging M&Ms into pictures, patterns and shapes while munching on fruit.
My daughter knows that I trust her and therefore she trusts herself, and ultimately, it has led to a stronger, healthier, more open relationship.