Dr. Maryse Touboul, by profession you are psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, how would you describe your role?
To give my patients the means to learn a new language obeying their desire to feel alive. And on a more practical level, I try to help people to get out of the 'inhumanity' of their Unconscious.
What do you mean by inhumanity?
Inhumanity is the language of the Unconscious, which is a place of violence and hate.
What ways can we make peace within ourselves?
By accepting all that happened to us in our childhood and by learning to build a new memory based on what we do with our time every day of our life. Since childhood we are used to hearing about our duties towards the 'other' as if we were born to serve others, not ourselves. This way of functioning is, in my opinion, what subjects us to guilt and suffering. We need to become 'subject' of ourselves and not 'object' of the other. In this sense, we are what we make of ourselves.
You are the creator of the School of Aliveness and Adulthood. Explain what is it that you offer in this school?
A way of being truly alive! The key is that today becomes more important than yesterday or tomorrow. This means becoming curious about every day and not getting stuck in routine, even though you may be doing the same things every day. I believe we need to refuse the same feelings, the same thoughts and appreciate the uniqueness of every day.
To be alive is also to enjoy learning (hence the name 'school.') We need to stop saying "I know" and start saying "I don't know." For example, I may be going to work again today but "I don't know" what today will bring, as it depends on the energy I will give to what I do.
From your experience what is humanity's biggest problem?
We think too much. We are in the mind more than in action. To do every day and to learn to love every day is the way to build our life and to come out of the neurotic mind which thinks too much and does too little. When we do not do what we have to do, we become the object of time and of others, and it makes us very desperate.
Also many people are afraid to make changes - to make a change is to take a risk. I also feel it's important to structure our instinct and to fight our destructive urges. For this, we have to do first and think after.
And humanity's greatest strength?
Instinct for life.
In your work, you deal a lot with healing relationships…
Yes. Too often, relationships are based on power struggle (one against the other) and not true relationship (one with the other). I teach my patients to pass from power struggle to relationship, by learning to make peace with themselves first so that they can build a true relationship with another person. We are often so focused on the 'other' (parents, lovers, work colleagues) that we are scared of him/her and we do not manage to express what we feel.
So what in your opinion is real love for another?
Love is to say "I love you," and not ask, "Do you love me?" There is no lack in love: We are happy when we are with the other, and we do not miss him/her when we are not. Love is not impulsive; it takes time. It is about tenderness, listening to the other and recognizing him/her as unique.
You often say there's "no time to waste in reaction." What do you mean?
When we react to what the other says or does, we are stuck in a repetitive way of functioning, which causes us to make mistakes and waste time. When we act based on what we feel and want, we free ourselves and can move ahead.
What heals for you?
To learn how to give meaning to our life.
What for you is the essence of life?
Movement…
For more information on Dr. Maryse Touboul's psychoanalytical technique, visit http://www.ecoleduva.org.