Adapted from an original article by Noga Miver .jpg)
Piano Lessons For My Son
The piano lesson finished. My four-year-old son was on cloud nine. He is learning to play experientially. He meets with the high and low, strong and weak sound sensations, and he is very excited about his own ability to produce them in varying volumes and rhythms.
I never had to persuade him to go to music lessons. He always responded positively and was happy to go. That’s why I was surprised when his teacher offered him a chocolate coin at the end of the lesson “because he played really well.”
My son was pleased, of course! Did you ever see a child who isn’t pleased to receive chocolate? Yet I asked myself was this chocolate treat a prize for my son successfully coping with a challenge?
Up until that day, my jewel of a son didn’t perceive music lessons as a particular challenge or something to cope with. The lessons didn’t have a finishing line that needed to be reached.
He didn’t play well or un-well. He simply did what he did, and created magnificent and wonderful creations, which came out of him in the moment, without any pre-meditation.
A Prize Changes Everything
But that one chocolate coin drowned his personal experience into an expectation for doing something, being someone. He started trying to measure himself and his performances, judging his intuitive creations, since he suddenly realized that the music lesson can be won or lost… He can be good, or not. Until then, the question whether he was good didn’t exist at all. He was simply himself.
The thing is that I would like my children to know it is legitimate to create for the sake of creating. And more importantly that a creation’s true value lies in the act of creating, not in its result.
I can tell them what to do in any given situation, I can pay attention to the example I set for them, but most of all, I have to allow them to experience a natural desire to do something, which, I believe, happens when they connect to their natural spring of creativity and their unique way of expressing themselves.
And When It Comes To Drawing…
I once learned in a class that when a child shows you their drawing, it is advisable to let them know what you like about it, not only that it is nice, otherwise they will not take in your feedback.
I ask myself if a child, who drew a perfect house or a smiling face, ought to receive a more positive feedback than a child whose gloomy drawing expresses their parents’ divorce or a trauma that occurred?
Children draw since this is one way in which they express themselves. When we respond with a judgment (a positive one is still a judgment) we teach them that such expression is desirable and worthwhile. A happy child can draw for his or her own joy, but it is important for a sad or frustrated child to draw, or otherwise create something, in order to express their feelings.
In Conclusion
The natural spring of creativity within us continually brings forth ideas and inspiration. I believe we only need to trust in our inner creativity in order to find fulfillment and not be motivated by prizes and feedback.
The happy drawing is as worthy as the dark drawing, accurate piano playing is as valuable as a lesson filled with mistakes. In the same way, it doesn’t matter whether you sing in tune or out of tune, what matters is that you are able to express yourself and understand that the point of art is to not to worry about the destination but enjoy the journey.
And the chocolate coin is your own satisfaction with what you do, and that satisfaction begins within.
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