Unpacking Troubles

In her early 20s, like many of her peers, Israeli born sexologist Dr Haya Bar-Noy decided to go travelling after her three year compulsory army service.

However she never came back to her homeland and instead went to live in America and then Australia. These days she can mainly be found in countries like Vietnam, Cambodia  and Thailand leading small groups of singles, couples and families (mainly Australians, Americans and Europeans) on what she terms, 'Life Reflection Holidays.'

The Aims of Life Reflection Holidays

Her trips, she points out, are not retreats where you get a "spiritual injection," but rather a chance to work on personal and familial relationships in a context of being on holiday, in a new land, and with the help of Dr Haya's professional therapeutic expertise in relationships.

"This is travel with a purpose. The fact that you are out of your comfort zone and daily routine is challenging but very enrichening," Haya tells in a recent interview.

"I am trying to give people awareness and empowerment in a cross cultural experience," continues Haya. For instance a family that comes on one of her trips may be experiencing difficulties in communication.

The parents may not understand their teenage children and what they are going through emotionally. Stressed by a withdrawn child, the parent(s) may be less patient and tolerant. And the children may be frustrated with their parents' authority and, as is common in these days, Haya remarks, their lack of time to be with their children.

What Dr Haya Offers

Once Haya has ascertained what is or are the issues for her traveling clients, through a detailed questionnaire, she will then spend half the trip offering therapeutic sessions to each family and giving them certain tasks that she believes will improve their relationships.

"For instance," says Haya, "I may tell a family to plant rice together for ten minutes in a paddy field in Vietnam. I may send someone or a family to a local coffeeshop and make them start a conversation with a local in order to develop their interactive and listening skills. Or send them to a Buddhist monastery where they can learn that even monks with their busy daily routines make time for reflection and peace."

Dr Haya is convinced that one of the major problems in families and relationships to date is the lack of time that people have for themselves and each other. She believes traveling gives families emotional time to get to know each other and for children who have more technology than human touch in their lives, this situation can be addressed.

"In Australia I live in a small town and every day I get up at 7am and walk for 2kms to the beach where I swim. Afterwards I go to my regular coffeeshop for coffee and muesli and then home to shower and begin my day at 10am. Those first three hours are all mine - no phone, no distractions," Haya explains.

Another issue that commonly comes up is the fact that families will often blame each other for breakdowns in communication rather than taking responsibility for their own emotions. As parents become more relaxed and learn to listen to their kids without being judgemental, they learn to understand that it is not the child that is responsible for their anger or upset but these are emotions that come from within.

Dr Haya is not interested in changing people. What she is interested in is improving their lives where they want improvement, giving children self worth and giving parents the listening skills they need to understand their offspring.

"You would be surprised how many of my travelers don't even know what their values are, what are their strengths and weaknesses." And so one of the first things that she asks her families to do on one of her trips is write a list of their beliefs.

Learning From Others

When I ask Dr Haya what is her number one value, she turns the conversation to human interaction. "I accept people regardless of where they come from. I just love people. On a trip, I prefer to see less temples and invite a bunch of Cambodian kids selling stuff to tourists for lunch."

Dr Haya is indeed a big kid lover - she herself having the energy of a child, radiating innocence and warmth. As part of her programme she will send families to an orphanage that she supports in Cambodia to spend hours with the children.

"What I admire about the kids in the orphanage," she says "is their ability to maximize on what they have. Often in the West we think we need external things to provide love and so many times I see Western children growing up in such consumer societies." The Cambodian parents that Haya knows show her tolerance and compassion to their children and though the kids do work after school selling books to tourists, she learns from the parents that our children really are hope for our future.

For more information about Dr Haya Bar-Noy's Life Reflection Holidays, visit her website at www.drhayatours.com
Dr Haya also does tours for couples who have children but can not take them on holiday. She discusses family issues with the parents, in order to give them the skills and knowledge they need to take back home with them to their children.