Am I ready?
Everything impacts on our decision to have children today. From what is expected of us - by others and ourselves, the state of the world around us, global warming, hormones rising, what our friends are doing, how much money is in the bank, do I have what it takes, what age is the right age…
And there is no right answer. In every other area of my life, I like to make decisions, plans etc… but the baby question sends me round in circles. And I've seen this mirrored in conversations with friends.
One friend Rachel grew up surrounded by children and by her early thirties was sure that she didn't want any of her own. In the middle of a Shamanic ritual where she was asked to delve into her heart and ask its deepest desire - she saw herself with a baby - and within two weeks she was pregnant. "My head had overruled the desire for so long, but when I revealed my heart's desire, it was the most natural choice in the world."
Tuning In
Yoga, meditation and conscious self-enquiry attune ourselves to our deepest wishes. We create a deeper understanding of ourselves by simply listening to our bodies, or starting a conversation with our soul.
Practices of yoga, meditation and prayer help us quiet the mind, creating space for ourselves, unfolding our heart's desires and developing our powers of intuition. It would seem to me that these practices can only help a mother-to-be.
"The first one hundred and twenty days are given to us as a time to strengthen the foundation of our lives, in order for us to be prepared for the seismic shift that comes with having a child." says Gurmukh who has created a nurturing programme for mothers-to-be and is the author of Bountiful, Beautiful, Blissful.
"Your definition of self changes from ‘I' to ‘We'. To have a child is to undergo transformation. This is not an understanding you can 'think' your way into. You cannot birth intellectually. You birth sensually, intuitively, primally and spiritually. You can't cram at the end - it takes nine months to unfold your consciousness. Pregnancy is a partnership of mother and child."
So the training programme starts from conception - the moment of realization. In order to have a strong, confident pregnancy it is important not to buy into the negative stereotypes surrounding pregnancy and birth. Dr Gowri points out that her 'gentle' birth method is not painless, but it is fearless.
Taking The Fear Out Of Labour
"When does labor begin?" women want to know. The conscious midwife replies, "From the moment you realize you are pregnant!" Dr Gowri believes that the quality of a woman's pregnancy can determine her experience of labour. Using visualization and self-hypnosis mothers-to-be can deal with their fears.
Gurmukh says "Start to cleanse your mind of the emergency room images. Talk to other women with positive birth stories. In our collective human history, a pregnant woman was considered anything but weak. In tribal times, birth was a period of honour for women."
Another way to allay fears is to put thought into the kind of birth you want and to know what to expect at the hospital or from the midwife. Remember you have choices and most fear is fear of the unknown.
Midwife and author Jeannine Parvati Baker believes that "to be consciously present at birth is equivalent to seven years of meditation. When we birth consciously, putting our great rational mind on hold, and allowing our instinctive nature to dominate, we can access the wisdom that all spiritual traditions teach: that the ego is our servant, not our mistress, and that our path to ecstasy and enlightenment involves surrendering our egoic notions of control. This level of surrender will also serve us well in our many years of motherhood."
Having worked for years as an obstetrician and gynaecologist, Dr Gowri found that the majority of her work was dealing with 'crisis management' - helping women at the end stages of stressful pregnancies and traumatic births. In our culture as women, we see images and hear stories of stressful labours, so that we create a lot of fear within ourselves around the birthing process.
"After all, birth is presented to us as a traumatic, painful and undignified rite of passage that most women - sooner or later - must endure." Says Dr Gowri. "A vast number of women have grown up with received wisdom that this is how birth is. I only encountered this negative attitude when I moved to England after growing up in Sri Lanka. Unfortunately most of the mothers were rigid with fear; in poor physical condition and emotionally out of control."
Meditation And Chanting
Yoga, meditation and visualization can make pregnancy and giving birth a beautiful and less traumatic experience. It can help us improve not only physical fitness, but mental and emotional stamina, as well as creating some much needed 'me-time'.
Meditating with your partner can enhance the bond between the two of you as you prepare for this revolution in your relationship. Meditation and chanting is a fantastic way to bond with your baby and create space and emotional balance during pregnancy.
Mother and Conscious Pregnancy teacher Elena O'Keefe turned to chanting during her pregnancy. "I felt the best way to prepare myself for conscious birthing was to use sound. The Adi Shakti mantra gave me incredible strength and confidence throughout the pregnancy. Chanting the mantra was like calling on the cosmos or God through the sound of compassion. The universe becomes the mother and you are the child. And every time you call, you feel the divine shield of protection."
"Our dear teacher Yogi Bhajan once said, 'bearing a child is not a human job. Bearing a child is a totally divine job.' And looking back at my experience of pregnancy I clearly see the divinity of that time. I believe, in labour, God cleared the way for our big boy. Despite all the predictions, he was born naturally, says Elena. "And the Adi Shakti mantra still does its magic - he always calms down when I play it!"
Here is this mantra which honours the Goddess and the cycles of life:
Adi Shakti, Adi Shakti, Adi Shakti,
Namo Namo
Seraba Shakti, Seraba Shakti, Seraba Shakti,
Namo Namo
Pritham Bhagwati, Pritham Bhagwati, Pritham Bhagwati,
Namo Namo
Kundalini Mata Shakti, Mata Shakti,
Namo Namo
Author Sarah Buckley believes that "Mothering can become a meditation, a deep mindfulness that is satisfying spiritually as well as physically and emotionally: I believe this is nature's intent and a possibility for all of us."
Check out Bountiful, Beautiful, Blissful by Gurmukh, The Gentle Birth Method by Dr Gowri Motha and the writings of Sarah Buckley and Jeannine Parvati Baker at http://www.lotusfertility.com/