Question: How is authentic happiness different from synthetic happiness?
Robert: Ten years of scientific findings from some of the world’s most prestigious institutions have shown that lasting fulfillment and sustainable happiness cannot be synthesized from the material or the physical world. That is, success in any respect - whether it is financial, professional, romantic, social, physical, or otherwise - does not lead to a happy life.
Successful life circumstances, by and large, will not guarantee that you live happily ever after. In other words, there are no purely “happy circumstances” in this life - no circumstances that serve as a one-stop-shop for creating a happy life.
Winning the lottery, becoming rich and famous, being popular, dressing well, driving nice cars, winning lots of awards, being accomplished, getting married and having kids, and creating a model-perfect body will not make you happy.
Even being in optimal good health will not net you a fulfilling life. Philosophers and others have suspected this for a long time, but now we have good data to prove it.
What this means is that real, authentic, lasting happiness can come from only one source: you. It comes from the thoughts you think and the actions you take.
Happiness is less a set of circumstances that surround you than a set of conditions that exist within you. And those conditions, to a large extent, are self-generated and self-facilitated.
Question: What do you mean by suggesting that we make happiness “the ultimate currency”?
Robert: Today, people measure their worthiness and success as individuals by all kinds of symbols and forms of currency: dollars, awards, diplomas, accomplishments, records sold, races won, number of kids, level of education, opinions of others, number of pounds we weigh, number of pounds we can lift, and so on. But when you measure your life this way, you miss the point of your existence.
See, as Aristotle once said, “happiness is the whole aim and end of life, the whole meaning and purpose of human existence.” So if you want to live a happy life - and we all do - then you have to prioritize your happiness above everything else.
You have to make feeling good your dominant intent, your primary focus, and the ultimate currency of your life.
You have to measure the success of any activity, relationship, experience, event, entity, or endeavor by the joy that you feel in your heart, not the awards on your mantel, cars in your driveway, rooms in your house, stocks and bonds in your portfolio, numbers in your cell phone, clothes in your closet, or kids in your life.
You have to make bliss your barometer and make pleasure and meaning your measuring stick. You have to make happiness more important than anything else in your life.
Interestingly enough, when you do that, success washes up on your shores every single time because 1) a happy life is a successful life, and 2) a happy life brings successful life outcomes.
Question: What is the “principle of nonattachment”? What do you mean, “detach from specific outcomes”? Does that mean to stop having goals or dreams?
Robert: Some of us struggle with happiness because we make our happiness dependent on specific outcomes and sets of circumstances. We think things like “if I can only get married, I’ll be happy” or “if I can only get that car, I’ll stop complaining” or “once I get that new job or promotion, I’ll be set” or even “when I get in shape, everything will be all better.”
The truth of the matter is that according to the scientific data, the happiest people don’t make their happiness dependent on much of anything.
Sure, there are circumstances that make happiness an easier and more likely proposition - things like making just enough money to subsist, being psychologically healthy enough to filter and control your thoughts, having a strong social life, not being predisposed to depression, et cetera - but many, if not all, of these conditions and circumstances are within your control.
One of the keys to living an authentically happy life is realizing that few, if any, external circumstances can make you lastingly happier. And once you realize that, you can begin to divorce or detach your happiness from specific results, circumstances, identities, ideas, beliefs, and so on.
You can learn to be happy no matter what. By doing so, you can begin to take responsibility for how you feel and take charge of your happiness.
Question: If you could boil it down to just one thing, what’s the key to happiness? What principle seems to trump all others?
Robert: More important than any other key or secret to happiness is appreciation. The happiest people, those who operate in the upper decks of their genetic happiness set point or range, are what I call “self-serving selective sifters.”
They have this incredible ability to always look for, find, and then affirm the good in life. They find beauty wherever they look. And when they can’t find beauty, by which I mean something to appreciate, they look somewhere else. And they follow through on this principle of appreciation in their thoughts, their words, and their deeds.
But if I single out appreciation, then I also have to single out optimism. See, science is telling us that one of the best predictors of happiness is optimism. Optimism, from a scientific perspective, is more than just turning your gaze to the sunny side of the street or calling the glass half full.
Optimism is a way of explaining to yourself and others the causes of good events and bad events in ways that support and empower you and your happiness.
By and large, optimism leads to being a happier individual, and pessimism leads to learned helplessness or apathy and, eventually, if it’s bad enough, depression.
What’s more, optimism has been found to predict all kinds of successful life outcomes, including presidential wins, individual and team sport victories, high grades, high income, long-term health, and so on.
Optimistic people are a hardier lot, more resilient in the face of adversity, because they work harder, persist longer, take more health precautions, and so on.
Question: If people could remember only one thing from your book, what would you want them to take home?
Robert: Happiness is learnable. It is teachable. But it takes patience, persistence, and the right approach, one that is based in science.
Happiness is also a habit. With practice, you can learn to be happier. Everything is difficult until it’s easy. And happiness is not at all special in this regard. Consistency is key.
HAPPINESS FROM THE INSIDE OUT by Robert Mack
May 4, 2009 • Trade Paper • 224 pages
Price: $14.95 • ISBN 978-1-57731-658-9