Hard To Define
Over the years, so many people have asked me: What is Focusing? Sometimes I wish I could just say, "Oh, you should read the book, Focusing, by Eugene Gendlin, Ph.D. - it's so straight forward and simple, yet utterly brilliant." That's the easy answer, but not entirely acceptable since I teach Focusing - hence, I need a better explanation than that!
Trying to explain Focusing is a bit of an oxymoron. No matter how many descriptive explanations there are, the truth is that you have to do it to experience it. Why? Because the process is a direct experience, and direct experiences don't always have words.
Because I have so often seen the beneficial outcomes of Focusing, I would like to use this space to explain at least some of the fundamentals of this very wonderful process, with a short case example at the end.
The Body-Brain
We have a mind. We think. If we think well, we might say we have a highly functioning brain/mind.
Now imagine a space in the body (between the throat, chest, stomach, and lower abdomen). In Focusing we talk about 'going down into the body,' and 'paying attention there'. Why? Because that is the area where we experience what we feel. For example, have you ever said about an issue or problem: "That gives me a lump in my throat," or "My heart was pounding," or "My stomach is in knots about all of that…"
In Focusing, we treat the body as if it has a brain of its own - as valid and valuable as the mind's brain. We 'listen inside' to what the body-brain has to say; we actually have a name for this body-brain called a felt-sense.
The Focusing process often begins when we notice that what we think and what we feel don't match. Focusing is all about making contact inside, with a feeling or sense, that either exactly matches our experience of an issue - or doesn't.
The key components of the Focusing Process:
• Attitude: The Focusing Attitude describes a way of being with ourselves that includes: gentleness, acceptance, and permission - allowing whatever inside wishes to speak with no judgment, blame, or criticism. It takes some practice to learn how to be kind and respectful of your self.
• Paying attention inside: We learn to sit quietly for a while to notice what the different issues are in our lives…to give each issue a place to just be…to breathe freely.
• The Felt-sense: We pick an issue to work on - or maybe the issue picks us! We sit (non-critically) with the ‘feel' or felt-sense of that issue for a while, simply allowing it to take shape and talk to us. We notice that this sense has a life of its own, separate from our thoughts…its own aliveness, rhythm, quality, directly connected to our immediate and present experience.
• Listening: As the felt-sense begins to tell us its story, we listen deeply and empathically, with caring and concern (again, with no judgment or blame.)
• Asking: As we might with a child that we love who is telling us about a problem, there are gentle questions we learn to ask that help the felt-sense unfold, expand, and eventually shift to a better place.
• A felt-shift (or the 'aha' experience): As we pay attention and keep company with the inner sense of an issue, a new awareness comes that shifts our relationship to the issue. Something starts to change creating a feeling of relief called felt-shift. The issue may not be totally resolved, but our relationship with it has changed.
• Receiving: Taking time to welcome, receive, and say an inner 'thank you' for whatever new-knowing has come. This is a moment to appreciate the process of the Focusing experience, and to internally mark the spot to revisit at a later time.
Focusing In Practice
To better understand the fluid process of Focusing in action here is a transcript of a therapy session. Notice how the different aspects of Focusing are naturally woven into the dialogue.
Client: Something isn't right, but I have no idea what it is…
Therapist: So 'something' is there that doesn't feel quite right… but it's not clear yet…what it is…
Client: I've accepted a new job and I thought I was excited…but there's something about it…that makes me uncomfortable…
Therapist: There is something uncomfortable about it…like part of you is excited… and another part feels uncomfortable about it…
Client: Yes, that's exactly right…part of me does and part of me doesn't…
Therapist: Would it be OK to take some time here to just say to your body: part of me does…and part of me doesn't…and just see what wants to speak to you from the inside…
Client: It's the part that doesn't…it says it feels scared…
Therapist: Let's just be very gentle here with the part that feels scared…letting it know that you want to listen to everything it has to say…
Client: It says, "I'm not good enough…" It says, "I'm not sure I can do it…"
Therapist: So that part is really questioning whether it can do it…and there's some doubt there…
Client: You know what…? That's exactly the feeling I used to have as a child. I was always in competition with my sister…she was the ‘smart one'…and whatever new thing I wanted to try...I always felt she'd do it better…and I'd give up before even giving it a chance.
Therapist: So there's a feeling there…exactly like it was with your sister…where you'd feel like she was somehow smarter or better…and that feeling…
Client: Yeah…that feeling is like a knot in my stomach…
Therapist: So knot-in-the-stomach is very familiar…exactly how you used to feel, and it comes again here when you think about the new job…
Client: Wow…that's such a surprise…! I never connected this job thing with my sister…
Therapist: This really is a surprise…this piece from your past, connected to how you are right now…
Client: Ummmm…how I am right now…?
Therapist: Something is there…about how your are right now…
Client: Yes…how I am right now is capable and competent. How I was then was…sad, scared, and unsure of myself.
Therapist: So you really feel a difference between how it was then and how it is now…
Client: Absolutely, YES! The person I am now can do this job. The child I was couldn't...guess I'd better send an adult into work on Monday!!
By simply listening, and allowing the client get in touch with her own inner body-knowing, she quickly came to realizations about who she was and who she is now.
Hopefully, if you, the reader, can implement even one or two of the Focusing steps, you may have some new insights, even without training.
To find out more about focusing, check out the video Coming Home To Peace Inside and Outside on our video page:http://www.eolife.org/videos.php