Discovering I am Ill
One day I discovered that I had Multiple Sclerosis. Actually, the signs had been there for a few months already. There was a loss of sensation in my hands, as if I had gloves on that kept me from feeling what I was touching. Then, I felt tingling in the palms of my hands, as if the gloves where full of ants. There were other strange sensations in my body as well, but I ignored them all. I told myself that soon these symptoms would go away by themselves like so many other things that come and go, or so I wished or hoped.
Until I got MS, I hadn't really ever been sick. The 'change of seasons' illnesses that seem to bother everyone, never really bothered me. I jogged every morning, and practiced hours of Tai chi and Chi Gong everyday.
I didn't even suspect that such a terrible illness might be nesting inside my body. But, then came the first serious attack, strong currents shooting along my spine, complete paralysis of the right leg, extreme pain in the left leg. After many medical exams, the chilling diagnosis was MS.
At first I didn't really know what to do with myself, I wanted to die… Me?! A teacher of Tai chi for twenty years?! MS?! A wheel chair?!… It didn't belong in my world… a world in which I preach health to everyone around me…
As in the stories of others who have succeeded in healing themselves from diseases considered to be incurable, I began a very personal journey during which I learned and discovered things that in the past I wouldn't dare admit.
Courage And Joy
Now I try to help others find their path to healing from life threatening diseases. I know that there is no one right answer. Everyone is unique and accordingly, has different needs. For me personally I have developed sound exercises to help with the healing process.
The human voice has tremendous power, and when we direct sound to certain parts of our body we can stimulate incredible changes, as well as joy for life. I know from experience that joy for life is one of the most powerful tools in this battle, and it is a battle - a battle for life.
One of the more significant and maybe one of the scariest things that I have discovered about myself while dealing with the illness and trying to find a cure was that if I wanted to allow a total change to happen in my life I had to honestly be prepared to die. I had to be willing to make a change, make real change, and take on real risk.
When I discovered that I was sick with this terrible disease, I really wanted to die. I couldn't see the purpose in this kind of life. I gave myself a challenge: if I don't succeed in healing myself and return to normal life, I will commit suicide. When I said this to myself, I didn't really give it that much thought. I said it from a place of desperation, and I had no idea as to whether or not I actually had the courage to go through with this plan if I were to remain ill.
But, at the same time, I truly believed it, and I honestly meant what I had said. Today I understand that this belief pushed me to succeed. I was free to create my own path without fearing death.
Inner Strength
I believe that when the mind (which tells us what is possible and impossible) stops working momentarily, we suddenly discover powers and abilities that we never believed we had or knew existed…
In an emergency, a mother will leap through burning walls to save her children, or attack someone that harms them with all her strength - without any consideration for her own safety. And, it is known that during psychotic episodes, even physically weak people can overcome several strong hospital aids…
Where does this strength come from? It comes from within us, but how do we quiet the mind enough to let this strength materialize? I believe that when we let go, the power and knowledge that we have within us, can surface.
People practising various methods of meditation are familiar with the challenge of quietening the mind. During practice, a beautiful moment arrives when we sink into a blissful place, and it seems that thinking has stopped. I believe that when we let go, like in meditation, the power and knowledge that we have within us to even heal ourselves, can surface.
To watch the movie about Ron Darrin, visit http://www.eolife.org/videos.php