Life Is A Mystery
I remember driving my car a couple of years ago occupied by thoughts of worry and anxiety and feeling heavily bogged down. As I was waiting at a stop light a blue sky stretched out before me, spotted with little clouds. I looked at the sky and a strange thought came to my mind: Why am I so worried about things when I don't even really know what life is all about?
Most of us go about our days serious and maybe stressed, as we focus on succeeding, getting ahead, making money, acquiring power, comfort - but even the most senior executives and leading personas of society do not know for sure the secrets of existence…
I had to ask myself - what if I am living according to some random expectations, that really have nothing to do with reality?
But that was just a thought that came to me at one moment in time. Soon after that I returned to my schedule, tasks, and strivings to live up to expectations that had become a part of me.
From Outside To Inside
It wasn't until I began getting very strong signals from my body, in the form of pain, that I really was forced to stop take a good look at how I was pushing myself in the outside world without looking at what really mattered.
I began a journey with that pain, which would visit me regularly. It was a journey to my true self. I could not continue to push myself towards being thinner, better looking, more impressive, successful, attractive, and falsely happier - because my body would not carry me any longer.
It really needed me to take care of me (the real me), it really needed me to put everyone else aside, it demanded my attention!
Though I spent a long time ignoring the signals of my body, I found that I could not silence it with pain killers or even switching to yoga and swimming from my intense jogging routine. Oh no, there was a deeper journey intended for me, and it was not skin deep.
The pain returned, and gradually worsened. I was in despair, not knowing what was wrong, not wanting to know the truth. Somehow I kept going to doctors that told me it was just an inflammation, it was nothing. When I really could not take it anymore, the breakthrough came, but it was not easy to digest.
Coping With Disease
Being diagnosed with bone cancer at 24 was not what I expected; it seemed unreal, surreal; impossible. I had always been so healthy, so strong. But it did happen, and I remember thinking, "Well, if this could happen to me, imagine what seemingly unthinkable good things could happen too."
Amazingly, the word "bone" in Hebrew (my mother tongue) shares the same root with the word "self," what a big clue to where the universe has been directing me. It is a reconnection to my selfhood, an inner journey to rediscover who I truly am.
Things were not clear from the start, but having begun to meditate the year before, and open myself up to the messages around me, I slowly began to hear and feel that there is so much love for me everywhere, at all times.
Aside from the tangible support of family and friends, I have come to realize that even with no one around me, I am not alone, and I never have been. Perhaps this is the greatest of my realizations.
My healing process consists of many things, conventional and alternative methods combined with what works for me as a unique individual.
Another important aspect to my healing has been in the meaning I find to what I am going through. Finding spirit beyond matter, finding that science, statistics and conservative medicine are only part of the picture, fill me with faith and wonder and hope.
Finding lessons in what happens to me such as letting go of fear, practising acceptance and being in the moment reassures me that I am growing. These lessons come to me from my life events, my inner voice, teachers, books, movies, from everywhere.
So next time you find yourself stressed out about something, worried and confused, take a moment to stop.
Consider that there is meaning behind our seemingly random life events, that we are all on a great journey of learning and development, and that perhaps if we become open to the messages around us we can see that every experience, easy or difficult, is a lesson sent to us with love.
I believe that the journey inwards is a very important journey in our lives, and that once we realize who we are, we can truly begin to live in the world, from our souls, from our truth.
This to me is living, and how interesting it is that I learnt this by facing death. I can only be thankful for this awakening, for the pain that has shown me how to love myself and take care of myself properly, for the fearful experience that has taught me not to be fearful, for a potentially isolating situation that has shown me the immense amount of love that surrounds me. I am thankful for this time of slowing down that has brought about accelerated growth.
I would like to share with you a poem that has served me on my journey inward.
Be Thankful
Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire,
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?
Be thankful when you don't know something
For it gives you the opportunity to learn.
Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.
Be thankful for your limitations
Because they give you opportunities for improvement.
Be thankful for each new challenge
Because it will build your strength and character.
Be thankful for your mistakes
They will teach you valuable lessons.
Be thankful when you're tired and weary
Because it means you've made a difference.
It is easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfilment comes to those who are
also thankful for the setbacks.
GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles
and they can become your
blessing.
Tal Mandelbaum is editor of Coachletter, Coaching Interactive's magazine for coaches. For more information go to www.coachletter.com and www.coachinginteractive.com