Ageing
Ageing is a hard time for us all. It is hard to watch as our powers weaken and abilities deteriorate, quickly or slowly. We may feel abandoned and sidelined by others whose attention is focused on getting on and achieving in a predominantly youthful culture.
In old age frequent health issues keep us concerned and occupied with medical matters. On top of that, there may be expectations from others, be it family, friends or society, that somehow we are there to help them with their lives .
Alternative Ageing
But there is another possibility entirely: to arrive in old age skipping not crawling. To be feisty, energetic, and full of the spice of life. To enjoy this time as a time of freedom from ambitions, expectations, and concerns.
To be delighted that we are not part of the endless race for success and achievement. To live lightly without too much thought of tomorrow. To appreciate all the life wisdom that we have accumulated and donate it freely to others.
To enjoy and share the memories and stories that we live by, and at the same time to be the holders of culture, and preserver of skills, values and ethics. To radiate steadiness and bring confidence to younger folk that have lost their way, and to be the ‘wise woman’ or the ‘tribal elder’.
Practise Ageing
If that is our aspiration, we have to start early. Ageing begins at birth. Its just that we don’t notice it as such. To age well we have to live well. It takes practice. If we spend our whole lives busy, ambitious, demanding, full of expectations and needs, it is not easy to switch channels in such a drastic way, and let go so completely and joyfully in older age. We have to practice letting go before that.
In a way, since ageing is loss of powers, capacities, and many other things, there is dying in it – dying to what was and to our imagined needs, and to what we think we have and don’t want to lose.
Practice then means practising to die a bit during our life, to genuinely live with less grasping on to things and to life itself. One meditation teacher described this well after he contracted Alzheimer’s disease. He said : ‘You have got to get your dying done early’!
Who Ages Well?
On the level of mind and body, preparing for ageing well is about living with simplicity and harmony in relation to the world. If you look at the lifestyles of communities or individuals who tend to live a long time and are healthy and energetic into old age, they generally engage in physical work, are not overweight, eat little and regularly, don’t use industrial or processed food, and are not under stress or subject to a great many contagious diseases.
Science backs this up, and confirms that one of the main ways that we can increase our lifespan and general health into old age is to eat less – to reduce the amount of calories and chemicals that our body consumes and then has to get rid of.
At the same time if we are active in our life we will be more likely to continue that into old age. It is interesting that science has failed to find any one herb, remedy, pill, vitamin, food supplement, or drug that can substantially prolong life, but has confirmed repeatedly in many studies that restricting food intake is the one change that really can prolong life ‘safely’.
As we age, more or less everything gets more chaotic, uncontrolled, unregulated. It is as if evolution has designed us to reach maturity and have children, and then after that loses interest in us. If that is the case, then wise ageing becomes about living without stress, burnout, over-consumption, toxins and extremes.
Taking Care Of The Mind
Much of this preparation is of the mind, not the body. And the mind that ages well is a mind that is cheerful, positive, curious, kind and attentive.
What we do with our mind really matters. I am a great believer, for example in different forms of meditation, to give focus, balance and steadiness of mind, to reduce fear, and runaway concerns.
I remember during a meditation session that I was once giving that there was a wonderful sense of peace and deep quiet that kind of took us all over. After the session I asked how it was. One lady said: “Do you realise what a relief it is just to rest in awareness of breathing? I was not a 70 year old lady, I did not have arthritis, I did not have a crowd of noisy grandchildren and demanding family. I was just breathing. I was at peace”.
Accepting Change
One of the big challenges of ageing is coping with change and loss. With an ability to be a ‘fair witness’ of the changes that happen to us, we do not identify with them so much (‘my problems’) and we will tend to take our changes easily, to take things as they come. Embracing our changes also includes embracing health and sickness.
Once, so the ancient texts relate, the Buddha as an old man was being given a massage by his attendant, Ananda, and another monk. They too were old at this time. As they gave him a massage, the Buddha exclaimed: ‘Look! How the skin is falling in folds! How amazing!’ They all laughed. ‘Look’, he said, ‘how the flesh is so dry and withered! Isn’t that something!’ ‘Yes’, they replied, ‘Amazing’, and they all laughed. They were like little children looking at their changed selves with surprise and delight, not old depressed people complaining and worrying about their bodies.
Part of this freedom to flow with change, is to live in the present moment. In a deep sense, in the present, there is only moment by moment experience, which is spontaneous and immediate, beyond time. In the moment, truly experienced, there is no ageing, no measuring no comparing to what was and no concern about what will be.
We need to give ourselves permission to stop struggling. This is the wisdom of age - a life rich with experience culminating in peace, reflection and full presence. It is this wisdom that makes us role models to younger people.
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