Why The Fear?
Babies are born every day, and have been for millions of years. Yet it is only in our culture that we view birth as an emergency; something to be feared.
In traditional cultures, the birth process is well understood as being a natural, healthy part of life that is not to be feared. Pregnant women are supported, physically and emotionally, by the other women in their tribe or village.
All over the world, women have been birthing their babies naturally since the dawn of time. If birth were truly as dangerous as the media would lead us to believe; the human race would never have survived this long.
As a midwife, I see my biggest task not in catching babies, but in working with women, and their partners, to overcome the fear that is bombarded on us from all sides. This fear of birth pervades our culture, and leads many women to give birth under very stressful conditions; under bright lights, scrutinised by strangers, poked, prodded, medicated, and subject to unnecessary medical procedures.
Dealing With The Fear
When I first meet with a new client, we talk a lot. For me, the first thing to do isn’t weighing the mother, or taking her blood pressure or urine testing. It’s establishing a close, trusting relationship, so that the mother can feel that she is fully supported to relax while she is birthing her baby.
The process that women have to go through to let go of their fear is not only huge, it is hugely undervalued. Since the vast majority of babies who are born in developing nations are brought into the world without their mothers first surrendering to the birth process and letting go of their fear, many people are unaware that they are feeling this fear at all, or that it’s something that can be resolved. They see the emergency and trauma that surrounds medicalised birthing as normal.
The cloud of 'what ifs' surrounds us so completely that most people don’t see it as optional. We believe that birth is dangerous, and that unless a mother gives birth in a hospital with the full complement of everything that modern medicine has to offer, she and her baby will surely die.
Of course, birth is not without risk, and we are blessed to live in a time when western medical technology can save our lives.
However, for healthy women and babies, the risks are low enough that they need not avail themselves of this technology. In most cases, medical assistance from a hospital is near enough to labouring women for them to birth safely at home.
The main challenge lies in letting go of fear, and that is where I see the core of my work as a spiritual midwife.
Needing To Be Mothered
A labouring woman is giving birth to a child, but more than that, she is giving birth to herself as a mother. For that to happen gracefully and easily, the woman needs to feel fully supported as a mother. She needs to be mothered herself, surrounded by people who support her in her role as mother.
Most of all, for a woman to believe in herself, she needs her support people to trust in birth is a natural event, free from fear.
During pregnancy, I work with women and their partners to make sure they are not only informed about birth and parenting, but that they have a deep understanding of the birth process, and trust in their bodies and their babies to birth naturally without fear.
I believe that we need to have knowledge and understanding of all the processes involved in birthing and parenting, all the risks - and their true likelihood, and ways to cope with problems should they arise. Secure in this understanding, birth will happen easily.
Too often, childbirth preparation books and classes only talk about giving birth as a mechanical process, and they leave the possibility of any complications as something that medical personnel will deal with. This takes knowledge, responsibility, and therefore power, away from birthing mothers.
When a woman feels powerless, she lets in fear, and that is where the complications start. Rather than taking over as a knowledgeable professional and controlling the situation, I help women to empower themselves to give birth on their own terms. We look at the woman’s impression of birth, how she sees herself as a birthing woman, how she was born.
Along with fear of birthing, it is common for women to fear mothering. Most of us are far removed from traditional societies where families are supported and children are raised by the whole tribe. As well as supporting pregnancy and labour, I put a lot of emphasis on post partum care; ensuring that new mothers are not left alone to cope with a new baby on top of cooking, laundry and housework, during a time when they should be comfortable to relax in bed, feeding and bonding with their babes.
Many women have done a lot of research, and know that birth is a natural process they are capable of; a process they are built for. Yet emotionally, they still carry the burden of living in a society where birth is seen as a medical emergency, and this fear interferes with a mother’s ability to relax.
In most cases, this emotional baggage needs to be cleared before the baby can be born. I see my role as working with the woman to break down her conditioned beliefs around birth, and build up a deep trust in the birthing and mothering process.
That way, by the time she goes into labour, a woman barely has need of me as a midwife. I am simply present, in the background, offering experience and support.
I focus on making birthing a holy and spiritual event, and helping women to see their bodies as powerful and sacred. Every birth is special, but more than that, it is an everyday event that happens naturally in its own time.