Author of The Van Gogh Blues, Eric Maisel |
The Blues that Meaning Makers Suffer From
Creative people are people who stand in relation to life in a certain way - they see themselves as active 'meaning-makers' rather than as passive folks with no stake in the world and no inner potential to realize.
This orientation makes meaning a certain kind of problem for them - if, in their own estimation, they aren't making sufficient meaning, they get down.
To say this more crisply, it seems to me that the 'blues' or depression that we see in creative people is best conceptualized as existential depression, rather than as biological, psychological, or social depression.
When you're depressed, especially if you are severely depressed, you owe it to yourself to get a medical work-up, because the cause might be biological and antidepressants might prove valuable. You also owe it to yourself to do some psychological work (hopefully with a sensible, talented, and effective therapist), as there may be psychological issues at play.
But you also owe it to yourself to explore whether the depression might be existential in nature and to see if your treatment plan should revolve around some key existential actions like reaffirming that your efforts matter and reinvesting meaning in your art and your life.
A Vocabulary Of Meaning
I think it is a great help to have a 'vocabulary of meaning' and to have language to use so that you know what is going on in your life. If you can't accurately name a thing, it is very hard to think about that thing.
For instance when we get a rejection letter, we want to be able to instantly reinvest meaning in our decision to keep creating, because it is terribly easy to let a rejection letter get us seriously blue.
By reminding ourselves that is our job not only to make meaning but also to maintain meaning when it is threatened, we get in the habit of remembering that we and we alone are in charge of keeping meaning afloat - no one else will do that for us. Having a vocabulary of meaning available to talk about these matters is a crucial part of the process.
The meaning-making process is a process of constant re-evaluation and ongoing analysis as we not only provide answers to our own questions but also provide ourselves with the right questions.
For one period of time the questions may center on productivity, creativity, career, and the like, and during another period of time they may center on relationships, service, and the interpersonal sphere.
Even on a single day, we might switch from asking ourselves one sort of question (about what project to tackle) to asking ourselves another sort of question (about how to help our addicted child or what to do about a community problem). Meaning shifts; and so do the questions that we pose to ourselves about how to make and maintain meaning.
Even before you can make meaning, you must nominate yourself as the meaning-maker in your own life and fashion a central connection with yourself, one that it more aware, active, and purposeful than the connection most people fashion with themselves.
Self-connection - understanding that you are your own advocate, taskmaster, coach, best friend, and sole arbiter of meaning and that no one else can or will serve those functions for you - is crucial.
Relating As Well As Creating
Though it is important that we create, it is also important that we relate. Many artists have discovered that even though their creating feels supremely meaningful to them, creating alone does not alleviate depression.
More than creating is needed to fend off depression, because we have other meaning needs as well as the need to actualize our potential via creating. We also have the meaning need for human warmth, love, and intimacy: we find loving meaningful.
Therefore we work on treating our existential depression in at least these two ways: by reminding ourselves that our creating matters and that therefore we must actively create; and by reminding ourselves that our relationships also matters, and that therefore we must actively relate.
I believe the most important internal movement is toward the belief that other people exist and that other people count. It is very easy to drift from taking sole responsibility for your meaning-making efforts, which is good thing, to a grandiose, arrogant, selfish, and narcissistic place where 'only you count.'
On the other side of the coin, if you grew up in an environment where the messages you received were about being seen and not heard, about blending in and not standing up for yourself, and so on, then you need to find the courage to stand up for yourself, to maintain healthy boundaries, and to exert your power as the meaning-maker of your own life. One artist may have as his central task treating others better; another artist may have as her central task standing up taller.
Stop! Before You Create
Whichever kind of task you undertake as an artist, the first step in creating is to completely stop - not to slow down but to completely stop. Learning how to do this (and it isn't easy, especially in our culture that promotes speed, fracture, and a short attention span) makes all the difference in a creative person's life, as internal busyness is completely eliminated if in fact you actually stop, quiet your mind, and allow yourself to calmly grow present.
The self-talk is exactly "I am completely stopping," followed by the idea that you intend to calmly create without worrying about outcomes - that you are just intending to be present and to do your work. If a doubt or a worry intrudes, you dispute it by saying "I'm not interested in that doubt" or "I reject that worry," and return yourself to deep silence and continuing to just work.
When you feel the blues descending a medical work-up is a good idea, especially if your depressions in the past have been severe or long-lasting, as the coming depression might possibly be avoided with antidepressants. You can also engage in some simple home remedies: exercise is a depression-fighter, as is getting out in the sun.
From an existential point of view, what you want to ask yourself is if your current creative work matters to you - if at some level it doesn't, you will need to reinvest meaning in it by telling yourself that you and it do matter; or, if you can't imbue it with meaning, you will need to turn to other, more meaningful work.